The
Power of the Unexpressed
Self-expression
is one of the more important ways we show whom we are and why we are here. Most
of us are not living who we really are. We are living lives imagined and pressed
upon us by our parents, schools, government, culture, and media. We have been
told what emotions and actions are acceptable and which are not. Our very idea
of self has been molded by outside influences. Usually it is not until adulthood
and often well into mid or later life that we start to question who we really
are or could have been if we were open to our own internal influences.
The
life unexpressed consists of all facets of who we are: our ideas and concepts,
our thoughts and emotions, our spirituality, our careers, our relationships, our
creativity, and even our traits and characteristics. Most of us have
overdeveloped some characteristics. We see ourselves as very musical, or
extremely organized, maybe good with people or very logical. The underdeveloped
or even totally denied traits turn into "shadow" selves. All of us are
capable of all traits and emotions including the ones we view as
"negative" and the ones we see as "good". All of us are
capable of hate and capable of love, capable of rage and capable of nurturing,
capable of being numbers oriented and capable of being artistic. But we mostly
think of ourselves as being a certain set of traits and having certain emotions
and no others are possible. All that we deny of ourselves goes unexpressed.
So, at
this point, you may say, "so what!" Unfortunately, all of our emotions
and characteristics, even our purpose(s), that go unexpressed do not lie quietly
in dormancy with no effect. It is our very nature to express our whole being;
all parts of us. When we reject or suppress parts of our nature, they become
stifled, repressed, discordant, and tend to act out in ways we do not intend nor
welcome. They can wreak havoc in our lives in every way. While one can turn a
young musician into an accountant, usually it turns out badly in the end. The
inner musician wants and needs expression in the outer world to be healthy and
happy.
The
unexpressed has powerful repercussions on our lives. Not being whom you really
are and were meant to be in this life can negatively affect your mental state,
your perception of life, your self-esteem, your health, your happiness and
blocks your energy. Many of our current serious health problems can be traced to
denial of self, suppression of our emotions and ignoring our innate desires and
needs.
Psychiatrist
David Viscott in his book "Emotionally Free" refers to the state of
having stored-up feelings as emotional debt, which he links to aging:
"Sorrow ages you prematurely. When you're in emotional debt, you're
pessimistic about the future, and even in your green years, long to return to
the past to remedy the shortfalls of love and opportunity you suffered.
Sometimes you yearn for more caring, for more time with someone who is no longer
here, for a chance to speak your mind and release your emotional burden, or just
to resolve your confusion by finally discovering what really happened to
you."
In her
book, "The Sound of Paper", Julia Cameron says, "...thoughts
float in from nowhere and dance on the edge of consciousness. "I would love
to..." they might begin or, "Wouldn't it be fun to try..." Most
of us are adroit at ignoring such gentle thoughts. We swat them out of our
consciousness, saying, "Not now. I'm too busy" or "Not now. I
don't see how it can be done." A great deal of the time we dismiss our
longings on the grounds that they aren't reasonable --- and often they aren't.
Where did we get the idea that life was intended to be reasonable? And where
would we be if Columbus, for example, had listened to reason? We have very
little evidence that sensible and frugal are actually qualities cherished by the
Great Creator."
It is
the whispers and inner voices that tell us what we are missing. If we can tune
into and listen to them, we will know what to do. Whatever is asking to be
expressed does not have to turn into a career or be done well as judged by some
external criteria. It only has to be done with curiosity and gentleness.
Here
are some activities to get you started on what your inner self may be trying to
express:
Another
way to tell what you are missing is to sit down and make a list of people you
don't like. For example, you may not like a co-worker because he is lazy,
inefficient, and sullen or bad-tempered. Those very things that you do not like
about him are the things that you have not accepted as part of yourself. He
serves as a mirror for you. Remember, all of us have all emotions and traits
within us and are capable of expressing them. It is the parts we deny or
suppress that cause trouble.
Now
this is not to imply that you must express every feeling you have or every
thought you think to others. You do not need to tell your father how
angry you are at something he did 35 years ago or tell your co-worker what a
jerk you think he is. You only have to be aware of what is unexpressed and
acknowledge it. Take action such as expressing it through art or writing a
letter to be burned or even discussing it with a trusted friend. Unburden
yourself, but not necessarily with others.
Begin today to notice what your inner voice is asking you to
express. Give a voice to all parts of you. It will add joy and peace to your
life and may improve your relationships, life satisfaction and health.
Copyright 2006 Mary Anne Fields and Life Unfolds, all rights reserved.