TOP FIVE WAYS TO THRIVE THROUGH A TRANSITION        By Mary Anne Fields, Life Unfolds  Life transitions are a normal part of life.  The one thing in our lives that is constant is change.  From the cells in our body to our emotions, to jobs and relationships, change is the natural order of the day.  In fact, we are always in transition.  So why does it seem so scary and unsettling when major transitions occur?  Why do transitions seem so difficult?  The two primary reasons for these upsets and distress:  (1)  we don’t recognize that change is constant and expect things to stay the same, and (2)  we resist change with all our might.   One of the major teachings of Buddhism is that everything is impermanent.  To understand that and accept it relieves suffering.  Simple, but not always easy.   If you are in a transition such as a divorce, retiring, losing your job, changing careers, starting a business, becoming an empty nester, an illness, or moving to a new city, there are many steps you can take to make the transition easier and more productive.  In fact, taking these steps can help you to thrive through the change rather than just survive.  So here are my top five ways to have a successful transition.  1.                  Gather your support team around you.  Seek your family and friends and ask for their support and encouragement.  Identify those who will help you and stay positive.  Also identify those who are negative or do not have your best interests at heart.  Avoid them like the plague for the duration.  Talk with your physician, therapist, personal coach or religious teacher and seek their help and guidance.  Don’t be shy about calling or meeting with your members of your team at any time and asking for support.  You will gain a sense of belonging, caring and be uplifted by having a support team. 2.                  Now is an excellent time to make distinctions about your current situation and your past situations.  Often we use our past “story” to ascribe meaning to the current situation.  If you have been laid off, you may say to yourself, “I never have been good at keeping anything going” or “I’m not smart/pretty/tall/assertive/compliant enough” or “My parents/school/culture never taught me what I needed to know to keep a job”.  You may bring forward an old story from your past to describe this current transition.  This only makes us feel more powerless.  It is a great opportunity to debunk some of these old stories and let them go.  Try to tell yourself the truth and only the current truth about what you are going through.  Don’t let the past color today or your future.  You will gain power, self-esteem and knowledge from this effort.  3.                  Be pro-active, not reactive, as much as possible.  Instead of watching things happen, feeling an emotion or having thoughts about it and then reacting, be pro-active.  Take steps to decide what you really want for your future.  Focus on what you do want, rather than what you don’t want.  Develop a plan with goals and a timeline.  Make this new future as real as possible by visualizing it, making a collage of pictures and words that describe it, journaling about it and talking about it.  If this is difficult for you because of overwhelming emotions, take some time and slow down.  Make decisions about your future when you can do it with some degree of clarity.  You will gain a sense of control, positive feelings, excitement and power from being pro-active about your future.  4.                  Be curious and open about what is happening to you and what the future may hold.  One thing that restrains us, makes us unhappy and limits our opportunities is that we think we already know…how this will turn out, what is expected, what everyone else does when they are faced with this, what you “should” do, what is reasonable to do, what is “obvious” to do, etc.  If you can stay open-minded and curious, and possibly not “do” anything, new directions and ideas will open up for you.  Meditate often to gain distance from your feelings and thoughts. Being relaxed and not clinging to what you know will help.  You will gain a sense of peace, positive anticipation and openness by remaining curious.  5.                  Take care of yourself.  Your health can make all the difference between thriving and surviving.  Practice stress management.  Eat well and exercise.  Do small kindnesses for yourself such as a massage, having a manicure, taking baths, and having free time to reflect and rest.  Each day have some play or pleasure time, just for you.  Say no to anything that will cause you stress or irritation or will divert you from focusing on the transition.  Keep a diary or journal so you can see for yourself the changes that are occurring and how you are handling them.  You will gain better health, confidence and be more relaxed by taking care of yourself.   Mary Anne Fields is a Life Coach who specializes in helping people just like you thrive through life transitions. To contact me for a complimentary session...click here. Mary Anne Fields, Business and Personal Coach, Trainer & Speaker         www.LifeUnfolds.com/contact.htm (713) 528-5971 maf@LifeUnfolds.com All rights reserved.  Copyrighted by Life Unfolds, Mary Anne Fields, 2005.